7 Habits of a highly effective parent!
Survival they say is merely a series of trial and error judgments that do not get you killed. Over the past few years, I have developed some strategies to deal with my double X chromosome offspring, which, though not perfect, have me thinking a little less about taking a flying leap out of the window every now and then. Some of these are also observed strategies. Those which are not necessarily my own creation, but, are a great source of happiness and mental health. In keeping with my code of good karma, let me serve those up so that you can send me happy positive thoughts to bask in.
Here are (mostly my own) 7 habits of highly effective parents.
1. Set boundaries: If you tend to have to do professional work at home often, it is a good idea to designate a space as a no-kid zone. If that is not a possibility, then having a code of behavior when you are at your laptop or work station will also do, but for the sake of all things sacred, please set boundaries. I have a no yelling and asking for permissions code of conduct when I am on a call. This was the outcome of chocolate and T.V privileges being wheedled out of me during client calls. It is a matter of sticking to the script and not giving in (easier said than done). What worked for me was, whenever they followed the code of conduct, the said privileges could be had (within limits of course). After a few failed attempts, this code is usually upheld.
2. Keep time exclusively for the kids: I cannot stress enough the importance of this exclusive time. I have a very selfish reason for it. Mainly, when my little one tries to blackmail me by saying “But you are always on your laptop” I have this exclusive time to fall back on and then win that argument! This time could be anything, a half-hour during bedtime, or a daily morning routine, whatever be the exclusive time that you can work into the day, do it.
3. Choose your battles: This is one that I am working on. It is tough to let go of a juicy shouting match with the 9-year-old regarding wet towels on the bed. But I find that I am yelling all day long and thoroughly exhausted by the end of the day, yet somehow guilty about the whole thing too! So, the classic way that I weigh if the situation demands my vocal cords, is if it will be a cause for concern in 5 years. If it won’t then I let it slide and mumble under my breath, if not then I take it up with her. Wet towels will just leave wet spots on the mattress, but daily heated arguments about it will leave wet spots on both our souls.
4. Give her the gift of choice: I have learned that what kids really want is just a little control over their tiny world. The tantrums, the arguments, the “you don’t love me” is all a bid to get some control over the choices they have. This one was thought up by the husband. Giving her a choice makes her feel in control and more amiable to getting things done. For example, having her get ready for an evening out means an argument over what to wear. So now I just give her 2–3 choices and she happily (mostly) chooses one. From the choice of snacks to play dates, this is one strategy that always works to make peace.
5. Make plans without her: A singular problem that parents face is being taken for granted. Somewhere we ourselves are to blame for it. If we make our every waking moment available and at the disposal of our offspring, they are obviously going to assume that we were put here for the sole purpose of bringing them up! Which I firmly disagree with because hey, I am a person too! I would hate for her to ever give up on her individuality, and as her role model, it begins with me. So, I make sure there are things that we do without her as well. It’s not always appreciated, but she understands. I find she has greater value for my time and effort in everything that we do together because of this.
6. Help her cultivate a hobby: My biggest gift to my daughter has been the love for reading. Through it, she finds hours of delight and creative adventure. I have been able to do this simply because of my own love for books. We often spend evenings side by side contentedly with a book each. A hobby is something that can be shared and can become a lifelong asset.
7. An unconditional love that she knows is there: This is by far the most important habit. My standard line to her is “Mommy loves you, even when I am upset with something you did”. Never sleep over an argument. Always hug and make up before bed. Make sure she knows she has your support when she is in the wrong as well. Stand with her and help her make it right.
While there are a hundred other strategies that could be added to this list, these by far are my top 7!
